Our kids…full bellies.

I’m not sure whether you do or not, but I watch John Oliver on HBO.

One of his shows concerned the alarming statistic claiming 49% of food produced in the USA is dumped.  This is nothing new to our ears.  Perfectly good food is discarded simply because it either does not meet the stringent aesthetic requirements as set by retailers or to prevent devaluation of yield prices  harming invested capital to produce the years produce.  (Wow, that’s a mouthful)
How about throwing away your Mcnuggets because some of them aren’t shaped a certain way. Ludicrous!

We’ve all heard the horror stories of wastage.  In the companies’ defence, charity is really expensive.  Boxing, packaging and shipping are all overheads which eat into profits.  Seeing as margins might not cover such altruistic endeavours, companies opt to discard.

What if there were another way?

What if we could somehow subsidise food production? 

We all know the saying: we currently produce enough food for the entire world’s population.

Why, in 2016 has the world’s inhabitants, not yet come up with a way to solve this problem?

Hungry nations are non-productive nations.  Hungry nations wage wars.  Hungry nations are defocused from higher-level goals. Their basal instinct of filling their tummies overrides anything more sophisticated than getting their next meal.

It should be in everyone’s best interest to look after our world nations sustinance so that all nations may develop to their best capabilities.  It should be in the interest of global economics that developing nations break their ceilings and emerge to spark growth in our current global economic slowdown?

Maybe it’s not in the rich, developed countries’ interests.  I’ve heard this before too.

What of examples of developing nations that rocketed to highly industrialised by utilising radical, progressive governmental policies geared toward…well…progress? Look at the multitude of eastern industrialised countries that not even a lifetime ago had the majority of their population in subsistence, rural existence. 

Without advocating government endorsed sweatshops, my idea concerns making basic food FREE FOR ALL.

Heresy! Madness! Foolishness!

Ney sayers…

Food can be free for fuck sakes!  One just needs to grow veg, breed cattle or fish.  Anyone can do it.  It’s the convenience that is paid for.  Malls, gorcery stores, comveniene atores.  This I can accept with processed foods, canned food, and powdered suppliments.  But fruit, veg, meat, dairy, eggs and other basic staples should be free to anyone who wants it.

I spoke with Xolani on 702fm one evening and he said it would be unfair to the poor to see a rich person not pay for food.  He suggested that a person earning the means to afford food should be made to pay.  I don’t agree.  My idea is for the benefit of the poor.  I couldn’t care less about what the rich can and cannot afford.  It would cost too much to try figure out who can or can’t afford food in any case.  My idea would be government funded food depots and production all over the country, especially in poor areas where anyone can walk in and take an apple, or any other basic food, eat it, walk out and not be forced to pay.

Poor families would have kids that have full tummies. Jobless people would not have to starve.  The average person would have one less stress factor.  Petty hunger or financial related crimes would evaporate.  Full tummies also result in people who are more content in life.  Maybe other incidences of stress related crimes would decrease.

So, how might we accomplish this mad idea.  Same way that government does any other thing.  Place a levy to raise the funds to cover the costs related to production, packaging, boxing and shipping of foods.  What should a levy be placed on?  Luxery items that the wealthier population can afford to purchase.  TV’s, tech items, cars, and basically most non-food items. Call it a food tax.

A levy on all these higher living items would fund everyone’s most basic of needs: sustinance.

But what about corruption?

Corruption happens in all public sectors right now.  That doesn’t stop government levies from being imposed to fund projects.  It has always been there and always will.  It matters just how effectively it’s occurrence and effect is mitigated by arms of government, public and private business, and public protector.

The point is, regardless of corruption, free food would still be available, the farmer/producer would still get his fair share of income. And one can relate that income to the reasonable costs and margins above such costs.

I know it’s a pipe dream.  But how cool would it be for ANYONE to walk into a food depot and simply take something to eat or drink because you are a citizen of a country which truly cares about your and it’s own welfare.

I have the following questions: why not pursue such an idea? Why not figure out the reasonable means to turn this from vision to reality? Why not feed our poor and allow them to feed their incomes into higher-level pursuits?  Such a country would be the envy of the world.  Other nationalities would want their countries to impliment similar policies.  Some countries have free education.  Is that ludicrous? Why must a rich family enjoy free education when they could clearly afford it?  The same principle applies. This idea addresses a principle other than status or class.  We all experience hunger.  That is not a class thing.  It is a human need.  In fact, I feel it needs to be made unconstitutional to be left hungry or to fend for yourself when it comes to basic sustinance.  That basic need must be made the responsibility of the people entrusted with ensuring the well-being of its constituents. 

It’s 2016 for goodness sakes.  What type of world awaits us in the future.  Let’s ensure our children one day express their disbelief in the fact that people used to have to pay to eat.  The horror!

Escape

There may be failed attempts. There may be unsuccessful ventures.  But you can only ever say YOU have failed once you’ve given up.
I haven’t given up.
I failed at being a shop owner. I say this because I gave up.  For six years I ran a shop.  For five and a half of those years, I regretted my being there. Why flog the same horse for so long?  I hate giving up!
But there are times when the threshold is reached. When you realise that the time and effort being expended on a chapter of your life does not return cherished memories that you would like to add to your life album.
I want my life to be AWESOME!
There is but only one part of my current existence that I can say is AWESOME. That is my family.  My wife and two sons are the ONLY positive I can take forward out of the last six years. The rest is like a nightmare I’ve finally woke up from.
But this blog is not about those experiences. For that I will have to pen a book!
This next few blogs will be about my escape and pursuit of AWESOMENESS!
It begins ……..now!

The sixth day.

Adam and Eve were not the first people!  There I said it.  But don’t shoot the messenger: 

For years this question has plagued Sunday School teachers.  Kids always wish to know, just how did Adam and Eve populate the earth?  How did Cain?  Are we all decendents of Cain?  Technically, since Noah is a decendant, it would follow that we are decendents of Adam and Eve.  But Adam and Eve were not the first humans, nor were they alone on the planet.  Where is the evidence for this claim?  In the bible of course!

Genesis 1 verse 26: “Then God said, “And now we will make human beings; they will be like us (supernaturals) and resemble us.””
Genesis 1 verse 27 & 28: “So God created human beings, making them to be like himself.  He created them male and female, blessed them and said, “Have many children so that your decendants will live all over the earth and bring it under their control.””

These verses are on the sixth day.  Before the creation of Adam and Eve.  Before the planting of the garden in Eden.

Genesis 2 verse 7 (subsequent to the first quote):” Then the Lord God took some soil from the ground and formed a man out of it; He breathed life-giving breath into his nostrils and the man began to live.
The the Lord God planted a garden in Eden, in the East, and there he put the man he had formed.”

It follows from this that all the sixth day humans must have lived in the West.  Just how far East was Eden?

But there is more:

Genesis 4 verses 14 and 15 refer to Cain and his banishment after murdering Abel:”You are driving me off the land and away from your presence.  I will be a homeless wanderer on the earth and anyone who finds me will kill me.” 
But the Lord answered, “No.  If anyone kills you seven lives will be taken in revenge””

Who comprises the anyone?  According to this: seven lives that will be lost if Cain is murdered.  Where did the seven who are of similar age to Cain come from?

Verse 16:”And Cain went away from the Lord’s presence and lived in a land called ‘wandering,’ which is East of Eden”

Verse 17:”Cain and his wife…”

Need we go on?

It is obvious that Sunday school teachers haven’t been made aware of what is in their own users manual.  They were taught the same false premise assuming Adam and Eve were the first.  Adam and Eve were just the first to live in the garden of Eden.

Perhaps in the story of Noah, the only people who drowned are the decendants of Adam and Eve.  The rest of the sixth day people maybe survived outside of the Mediterranean Sea and are right here amongst us all.

Maybe your Sunday School teacher knew better, but mine thumbsucked when I asked the question as a 5 year old.  And I could already tell they were thumbsucking at that age.

Maybe now they don’t have to thumbsuck anymore.  They just need to read.

I have my answer, and I’m happy with this.  I don’t feel betrayed by anyone.  I just think an error was made due to lack of reading.  I’m not angry.  I don’t feel as though my whole faith has been challenged.  A life long question has been answered in a logical and ‘referenced’ manner, and my previous confused state has been rectified, by the source of the testament itself.  People I have shown this to have all turned aggressively against me as though I have committed heresy or blasphemy.  How can I blaspheme something referenced in black and white?
Take a look for yourselves, and once again: don’t shoot the messenger?

That is ‘so me’

I just dropped my shopping cart full of groceries onto the floor.  Just now.  That is ‘so me.’
What am I doing about it now?  I’m blogging about myself while waiting at the checkout.

That is ‘so me.’

Prying, criminal eyes are constantly watching while standing in the bank queue.  This is South Africa after all.  While standing at the teller I try to move a deposit package meant for another bank from my satchel to my left pants pocket.  This needs to be discreet.  I wish to move it there so I can leave my now empty satchel in the car when I go into the next bank so as to draw as little attention as possible.  In one quick motion I pull the money out of the satchel and get it to my left pants pocket, which has a closed button of course.  I struggle with the button with one hand.  It stubbornly refuses to open.  I leave my satchel on the counter and try to open my pants pocket with both hands now.  It refuses, as though there is some password or code needed.  In my struggles the money falls on the ground for the entire queue to see.  The pocket button now opens. 

That is ‘so me.’

When I get back to the shop, I realise this will have to be my next blog.  I begin writing down the ‘so me’ list:

It carries on overleaf, but you get the idea.  So here’s part 1, of “that is ‘so me'”

I manage a tiny roadside store in a small rural farming area. This is one of those towns where if you’re driving and have to blink, you’d miss it.  So I am both manager and one of three cashiers.  It gets quite busy at times and when the summer sun burns down, ice creams fly out the door.  One of our most popular ice creams is a tiny R2-00 (100ml) ice cream tub.  (equates to $0.012.)  Clients buy 5 or 6 a time amongst other items.  One can easily carry 5 of these cups between your thumb and forefinger.

Occasionally I will be walking to the cash register with four of these in my hand.

Some malicious unseen spook who is trying to play a practical joke on me will then yank one of the inner cups out, ejecting and catapulting the whole stack right out of my hand. 

That is ‘so me.’

Here are some more shop related ‘so me’ moments:
* I repeatedly drop money to the floor at the cash register.
*have to reach down repeatedly to pick up the same money note from the floor because I’m rushing and don’t clasp it properly with my fingers.
* pack a clients items into a bag and as I want to hand the bag over, it tears.
* take a plastic bag to pack a client’s items in and struggle for half a minute to open the bag because…static…thanks static!
* I’ll be packing coldrinks into the display fridge and as if playing ten pin bowling will knock the entire rack of coldrinks onto their sides.  (I thought this might be a new display method but eventually decided against it.)
* I often try to show off my immense strength by carrying three crates of coldrinks at once. 

However, offloading requires a type of squat action.  Gravity is not your friend when you’re carrying three crates of coldrinks.  Gravity pulls the top crate forwards, and once the top crate begins to move, it’s a lost cause.  I now carry only one crate a time, despite my immense strength.
* if there is a pallet on the floor, I will kick my shoe against it!

* if someone wishes to buy a small pack of tobacco.  The bag will have a tear dropping tobacco all over the counter.
* when I need to open a bag of coins, the bag will resist being opened until the pressure is so great it explodes coins all over the floor.
* place my own bottle of half drunk coldrink into a client’s shopping bag without realising it.  (Then having to check camera footage to see what happened to my now missing coldrink, then having to reconnect my jaw which lies on the floor)
* will wait until there is no one in the shop so I can quickly rush to the toilet, only to hear (mid-stream) people banging on the service bell, having to rush, which equals a longer stream, and walking into a shop pulsing with annoyed clients.
* The shop will be dead quiet until five minutes to lunch.  At such time, a cavalcade of delivery trucks and clients will storm into the shop eating my lunch time.  I will be done with everyone five minutes before the end of my lunch.  (Packet of simba chips?)
* Thanks to Eskom, will have load shedding between 18h00 and 20h00.  My shop’s rush period.  Thanks Eskom.
* At times there will be such a rush to get the shop opened on time that I will forget to place the floats in the tills.  As the first client comes in I’ll notice and have to sheepishly apologise and rush back to the office.
* On Sundays we unplug the Coca cola fridges (which are on timers) to save a little electricity.  Even though I have a reminder set for Monday morning to plug them in again, I occasionally ignore it (busy with orders)until after opening.  Then I’ll rant a little at myself for being so stupid.  Sorry for the warm drinks clients.

Running a shop requires remembering 10 000 things a day, coordinating staff, clients, deliveries, stocking shelves, orders, and worrying about robbers.  It’s easy for my hard drive to crash now and then! 

That is ‘so me’

Modern rules of engagement

My generation is speedily heading into that phase.  The phase we all had to wearily listen to.  And not too long ago, mind you.  The “when we were your age” stage. 
The previous “when we were your age” generation is now at the “I told you so” stage.  One we are yet to mature into.
Each generation that reaches our current stage has the same maxim. “Our generation had real values.”

* Treat everyone with respect.  But don’t become angry with one who is disrepectful.
* Be polite, be not angry with one who is impolite.
* Build relationships. Be not angry with those who are malicious, spiteful and who burn bridges.
* Engage in dialogue, be not angry with those who seek violence.
* embrace tradition, be not angry with those who seek to tear it down.
* look after the environment, be not angry with those who litter and pour filth into the world we need to share.
* to work hard for what you want, do not resent those who steal, or those who get without working.
* to evolve and seek personal improvement, be not angered by those who remain ignorant and short sighted.
* to take pride in one’s achievements, be not angered by those who seek to constantly criticise.
* Be righteous, but do not exact righteousness on the wicked.

The list can go on ad infinitum so I’ll sum it up:
I’m not allowed to call an idiot ‘an idiot.’
Assholes can get away with being assholes.
I’m not allowed to be rude in return to someone who is rude to me.

Are you kidding?

I know that reflecting another’s negative attributes only degrades ones own high level of personal evolution, but in order to effectively communicate with a peabrain one needs to speak to their capabilities and aptitudes.  Else they might miss the point amongst ones carefully chosen wise words meant to steer them to a higher plane of understanding.  The result of the wise person’s grand attempts at correcting the behaviour of a poephol will only result in one thing: laughter.

In summation, there seems to be only one logical course of action when dealing with a degenerate.  Either walk away, or speak in a language they understand.  (Beat the shit out of them)

 

Stay With Me – SoundCloud

Way back in 2001 there was a three piece rock band from the mining town of Rustenburg.  They called themselves Straight Curve.
Being primarily a cover band, Charles de Beer (vocals,guitars) and Riaan Snyman (bass) teamed up with yours truly (drums).
Having aspirations of being an original recording rock outfit they pieced together an original song called Stay with me.

STAY WITH ME

oh by the fire that’s in your soul
The element so cold
And by way I feel about you and me
I know I’ll someday see.

Chorus:
So won’t you stay with me
I want you to stay with me
I’m out in the cold
And lost in the rain
And that’s why I’m saying these words again.

I sold love in favour of gold
Yet on that cold nights wind I stole
It back, to replace my old old soul
Or should I say, she stole me and I’m left
Alone, until you say

CHORUS

Bridge:
I want you to stay
But you go away with my heart and my soul.
You’re haunting my dreams
I’m  begging you please.

The song draws from several inspirations.  In particular, there was a materialistic girl that forced a decision between love or money: hence “I sold love in favour of gold”

Other than that it’s just a relaxed rock/love song.

recorded at N&D studios in Garsfontein, Pretoria.

The song managed to feature on Jacaranda FM in 2007. (I almost rolled my car when I heard it)

I hope you enjoy!

Park a thought

Mark’s bladder could sense the proximity of the roadside fuel station and was attempting to jump the gun.  Even the sound of the Toyota turn indicator seemed to add to the pressure against the ball valve.  Click tick click tick click tick shut uuuuup! he thought.  At last, the slip way.

He turned through the slipway curve, freewheeling as a pilot might glide down to the runway.  “They could’ve at least made the road straight!” He thought.  His background in municipal planning had taught him however that the curve in the slipway was intentionally designed to slow drivers from their over-the-speed-limit highway speeds.
He was in fact returning from one such planning meeting in the city.  His sinusitis had flared up again as it does this time of year.  So Mark was especially grumpy as he entered the fuel parkade.
He didn’t need fuel, just the restroom.  Mark was mortified to discover all the parking bays were occupied.
He started reversing to double park when a fuel attendant put up his hand as if to say “Oh no, buddy.  Not there.”
Mark lifted his hands to slam the steering wheel but stopped halfway.  He was in a self induced, self maintained program of anger management.  The old Mark would’ve slammed the steering ten times and then ejected himself from the car like a panther, ripping and shredding the source of his frustration.  He realized that such behaviour is fruitless.  Such behaviour would not get him closer to his goal.  To pee.  Besides, the guy was only doing his job.  How good of an employee would he be if he allowed Mark or anyone to just park where they pleased?
A lady came out of the fuel station convenience store.  A slightly heavy set lady, a bag loaded with take-aways and coldrinks.  At last.  He put on his turn indicator once more.  Click tick click tick…
He would soon be able to park, rush to the restrooms and find relief.  World hunger, the cost of living, world peace mattered not as much as this mare chomping at the bit.
After that, he could drive home, pop his sinus tablet, open a beer and laze in front of the TV.  He was actually famous amongst his peers for using every last sick leave day available.  Mark knew this.  But he likened not using sick leave to having insurance and never claiming.  Sick leave was there for his benefit.  His doctor had long since changed his ‘ethical’ plan to ‘get paid’ plan.  Doc knew that if he tried to convince Mark to change his ‘bad sick acting’ ways he would loose a patient to a doc that would give him what he wanted.  A good patient.  Financially.  A ‘buy myself a boat’ patient.  This time doc had diagnosed sinusitis as a joke.  Mark had held his kidney area when he’d entered the consultation.  Didn’t you know your kidneys had sinus passages?  That’s why they hurt when you sneeze.  You have sinusitis of the kidney, Mark.  Very serious condition.  Mark was such a seasoned hypochondriac he actually developed a mild case of sinusitis.  Which had turned to grumpysitus.
Little did Mark know, when it came to municpal meetings his peers would laugh at his absence.  They would take side bets on which dreamt up medical condition would be next.
This lady was taking too long to get going.  He watched her rummaging around from behind.  Maybe she’d lost her keys.  He was losing his mind.  His turn indicator still clicked away. 
Another three days at home.  He couldn’t wait for his doc-endorsed break.  He knew the rules, of course.  No driving around, no going out for drinks.  He had a lot of explaining to do last time!  Mark suspected the municipal manager was trying to get him medically boarded.  But the range of illnesses could not speak to a single chronic disease or condition.  It were as though Mark (or doc) had opened a medical encyclopedia and gone down the alphabetical list.  They’d skipped AIDS though.
Man but this lady is taking a while.  He lifted his hand to slam the hooter, then arrested his movement in mid motion.  Mark refused to return to his old explosive habits.  He would exercise patience.  He was an evolving soul, he told himself.
His wife had become rather silent in years passed.  They no longer entertained guests.  He’d have to wear pants for that.  Who wears pants on their sofa anymore?
Going out was too much of a task.  He always got annoyed with her constant questions about how she looked.  So cliché.  Mark was anything but a caricature.  He’d raise his voice saying he didn’t want them to be the same as all other couples.  Then he’d make fun of how she sounded while asking his opinion.  At first she’d taken it as an attempt at teasing humour, but her inclination to socialise with Mark at her side faded.  Her inclination declined to zero the year Mark did the ‘pelvic thrust’ move to every song at a friends birthday party.  Mark pelvic thrusted everything in sight.  The chairs, the sofas, the hostess.  Even while waving goodbye at the car he pelvic thrusted, while she mouthed “I’m sorry” to the hosts.  The memory stung her, even made her want to vomit at times, but Mark would often recall the story bursting into a fit of laughter before he could finish the sentence.  Painful for anyone who was a witness to that night ten years ago.
Mark noticed that the woman was sitting in the drivers seat, eating her takeaway.  She’d seen him waiting, for goodness sakes! That hungry bitch!  His pupils dilated as he watched her chomping on a russian.  Her greasy fingers cared not for his bursting need to pee.  At once his temper overtook his sense of zen.  He floored the pedal and drove into the back of the large woman’s VW.  Her russian and fries went scattered in all directions out the open window.  He’d glanced her shocked expression in her rear view mirror as he piled into the back of her car.  Her VW now wedged between his car and the adjacent parked Merc, he flung open his door.  “Can’t you see I really need to pee dammit!  Do I need to pee all over the floor?!”  He made as though he was whipping it out.  And there it was again…the pelvic thrust move.  It was 2005 all over again.  The security guard put a sudden end to it though, through means of an unexpected tackle to the ground.

“It’s kind of funny when you look at it.” Mark said later to the cop reviewing the CCTV footage. 
“Well I guess you’re gonna have more than a few days off work, sir.” Replied the cop.

The stair affair

Cindy sipped her coffee, her perfectly manicured nails folded softly around the cup.  “Oh my God, Jan.  I gotta tell you about the other day.” 
Her smile was engaging.  Even Janet, her best friend of over twenty years, couldn’t resist being warmed by the gravitas of Cindy’s enticing tales.  Vicarious living was cheaper doing it yourself.
“You gotta hear about this guy.”
The bustle of other people in the coffee shop seemed to dissipate.  Replaced anticipation.  Jan sipped her tea.
“I was on my way to the apartment, I was walking up the stairs…” and so followed Cindy’s recounting of what transpired:

Cindy was walking up the stairs.  One of those enclosed stairwells built along the side of a building, when a blonde guy trippled past her, going down.  She hadn’t  noticed how he tried to catch her gaze as they brushed by each other.
“It’s Cindy, right? ”
She stopped as his voice echoed.  Her heart skipped as she turned to look at him, a few steps below him.  “Do I know you? ”
“We pass each other on the stairs almost every day.”
Cindy’s face showed trepidation. “Oh, yeah.  I do remember you.”
She now recognized his pale grey eyes.  Vaguely.
“I’ve many times thought about how I might catch your attention, Cindy”
She stood one foot up, one foot down.  Her weight leaned on her top foot, ready to run.  Her stomach was suddenly filled with dread.
“If I were good looking, I would just say hey, and you’d automatically fall head over heels for me.”
She wanted to retort, but before she could, he carried on.  “If I were suave, I’d mention something charming about how beautifully your hair falls on your shoulders, how the colour must have been divinely chosen as the ideal frame for your intoxicating eyes, your oasis of a mouth.  If I were a drunk, I’d have all the confidence in the world to tell you how perfect your ass is and how many times I’ve caught myself staring at your perfect feminine shape.  If I were a poet I would compose my masterpiece comparing the fluid motion of your walk to the way sand dunes shift in the wind.  If I were a rock star, I’d compose a power ballad bursting with a tear jerking power chorus screaming you name.”
Her lips were slightly screwed.  Her legs were lead.
“Cindy, I’ve noticed you every single day since I moved in here two years ago.  I have laid awake at night planning how to speak to you.  My heart has ached in its self induced torment.  The torment is the product of the fact that when we pass you do not even glance in my direction.  I have fantasised that this might be because you are just as shy as me.  That you may be too lie awake in bed thinking about how you might gain the confidence to glance into my eyes tomorrow when we meet on the stairs again.  The torment is however doubled when I bring myself to the understanding once more that you actually have no idea who I am, or of my self imposed torture.”
He stared at her for a few seconds.  The moments’ viscosity seemed to thicken and retard it’s passing.  The heat in the stairwell from the sun’s baking rays were at once more apparent.  Like a deer who’d been stumbled upon in the forest, he broke their locked eyes and turned to head on further down the stairs.  He rounded the corner and disappeared down the next flight without a returning glance.  Cindy turned to climb the stairs, individually stressing each step in bewilderment at this encounter. 

Janet’s eyes were glued to Cindy’s mouth, waiting for the next line. “And so?” Her smile was full of intrigue and mischief.
“Like, what the fuck, Jan?  The guy’s a complete loser.”
“Is he hot? ”
“He’s just a guy from upstairs.”
“Have you seen him again? ”
“No, slut”
“You’re the slut!  he’s so into you, he’s besotted!”
“Be-whatted? It was creepy.”
“The guy just has a crush on you.”
“Well that’s his problem, then”

Cindy and Janet went on to speak of other things and finally parted ways after another hour or so.
Cindy couldn’t understand why she felt oddly guilty about speaking so untowardly about the ‘creepy blonde dude’ as she liked to call him.  The fact is that no one had ever had the gall to speak to her so unreservedly.  So raw.  And now the guy was avoiding her.  It took such a grand gesture to get her to notice him, the unnoticed.  And now she couldn’t stop thinking about him.  She now lay in bed, wondering every night about what she might say to him should they once again experience another stair affair.

Love was buried in Amsterdam

Are you stupid?

Are you stupid?  What is stupidity?  I would have immediately assumed it refers to people of a lower intellect.  I’m sure you do too.  Have you ever sat alone quietly and wondered, “Am I stupid?” Or how about this question, “If I were stupid, would I know it?”  I doubt anyone would admit to it!  As logic would demand, a stupid person might float through life completely oblivious to the fact of their state of existence.  They would surely say and do stupid things thinking they’re making wonderful additions to the potjiekos pot of life.  In reality everyone can’t help uttering, (out of earshot) “what an idiot!”

Okay, here’s another question:  Have you ever read one of those funny internet lists highlighting stupid people’s actions and thought, “Haha, I can relate!”  If so, you’re in trouble.

According to wiktionary:

Adjective

stupid (comparative stupider or more stupid, superlative stupidest or most stupid)

1. Lacking in intelligence or exhibiting the quality of having been done by someone lacking in intelligence.

   Because it’s a big stupid jellyfish!

2. To the point of stupor.

   Neurobiology bores me stupid.

3. (archaic) Characterized by or in a state of stupor; paralysed.  [quotations ▼]
   • 1702 Alexander Pope, Sappho 128:

     No sigh to rise, no tear had pow’r to flow, Fix’d in a stupid lethargy of woe.

4. (archaic) Lacking sensation; inanimate; destitute of consciousness; insensate.  [quotations ▼]
   • 1744 George Berkeley, Siris §190:

     Were it not for [fire], the whole wou’d be one great stupid inanimate mass.

5. (slang) Amazing.

   That dunk was stupid! His head was above the rim!

6. (slang) damn, annoying, darn

   I fell over the stupid wire.

In my view, this is a little limited.  I would like to add my succinct list of descriptions.  Please refrain from saying “Oh that’s me” until you’ve read them all.  This may save a little time in the long run: If you do the following, please realise, you may be at risk of being or becoming stupid:

1)  The educated person speaking above the level of aptitude of the uneducated or uninformed. If you do not understand the above statement, that makes ME stupid!  Since communication and the communication of ideas needs two or more participants, speaking above the fireplace of your participant is rather pointless and short sighted.  There are people who might agree with this statement, yet do precisely that.  All the time!  Such people  speak for their own benefit.  They love the sound of their words.  Albert Einstein said that if you cannot explain a concept to a child so THEY understand, you do not have a good enough grasp of the concept yourself.  Speaking for your benefit alone is STUPID.

2)  The know-it-all speaking to the uninterested. If you are speaking about a concept you think you have a pretty good understanding of, and the other participant(s) are just nodding their heads offering the occasional “mm” or “yep”, please realise that you might be committing this STUPID act.  There are of course those among us that would never realise that they are engaging in this pointless act and would take the “mm” and “yeps” as affirmations of the amazing wealth of knowledge/wisdom currently being imparted upon them.  They are not affirmations.  They are hints of “Please hurry up and shut up!”

Sometimes its not a know-it-all at all.  There are ‘the ramblers.’  You’ll know it if you are one.  People eventually let you know that you don’t give them a chance to get a word in edgewise.  In the end, people will largely avoid conversing with a rambler, since there’s not much conversing happening in the first place.  It’s more like attending a speech.  Who likes doing that?!  Besides ‘the rambler,’ there’s perpetuous interruptus.  You think you are going to say something, but three words in, perpetuous interruptus will take over your sentence, either trying to finish it for you; finishing it incorrectly for you (forcing you to say “no, that’s not what I meant); or completely obliterating your train of thought by changing the subject to something completely unrelated and only interesting to them.

3)  The gossip.  (The person trying to make others look bad) Should you find yourself discussing with others: a person currently not in your presence (in a negative light), referring to often exaggerated or twisted factoids or happenstances or misinterpreted actions of that person, you are a gossip.  Just know that should you realise that you are guilty, also know that the people you are currently gossiping to are wondering what negative things are being said about them in their absence.  Most people realise they are not excluded from the gossip cycle.  To think you have people fooled is foolish.  In Afrikaans there is the term, “skinderbek”  Roughly translated it means “gossip mouth.”  This is a term for a habitual gossip, and such people are routinely avoided in the long run.  Most people eventually realise that a gossip is poisonous.  To be a gossip is STUPID.

The inverse applies. To participate in a gossip-fest thinking you are a specially included in the gossip’s circle, or to think you are exempt from gossip when you are not present is completely foolish. Be wary of the habitual gossip. You are definately not exempt. You are not part of an exclusive circle. You are simply an audience, an not even a worthy one. Your most valuable attribute to a gossip is that you are within earshot.

4) The person who loses their temper over petty incidences.

How many times have you cringed at the vocal outbursts of someone?  How often has such an outburst been warranted? Frustrations do build, but to go bananas apeshit over nothing is STUPID.

5) The person who offers no common politeness as a matter of principle.

If you are aiming to further your career, network amongst people or groups, or simply gain the respect from you subordinates or peers, politeness is the way to go. Saying please, thank you, excuse me, and smiling a polite smile on occasion earns plenty points (when sincere). To obtain opposite results, don’t be polite. I’m not even speaking about those that are impolite. Such people are just assholes! To desire respect while not excersising common politeness is just STUPID.

If you are rude to your waitron simply because they are a waitron, you may be looking for a little saliva in your sauce. To think a waitron deserves such terrible treatment is misguided. Common courtesy is free and the pleasure at an unexpected kind word may just be invaluable to someone who rarely receives them.

6) Those elder people who expect respect simply because they are older.

How many times have you had to bite your tongue simply because the person you’re speaking to is older and you don’t want to show disrespect?

How many of those older people are complete wallies who don’t deserve an ounce of respect?

Simply because I’m older, doesn’t mean everyone else has to listen to my wise old words, experience or lessons. To expect younger, less experienced people or young adults to sit quietly with folded hands lapping up your every word is pretty short sighted and slightly narcissistic. Let’s just agree that to demand respect based on the amount of times you’ve been around the sun is pretty STUPID. A wise older person displays respect in order to teach it.

7) The person who confuses fear with respect

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This is more for the boss/supervisor relationship. A fearful workforce will avoid telling you about critical problems, will be demotivated, will talk trash behind your back, and will do just the necessary work ensuring they don’t have to deal with you. Above all, they will never respect you. Those ‘military general types’ that believe that fear = respect need to re-evaluate how their workforce view them. If your workforce scatter when you enter the room, you should know there’s a problem.

The inverse is true (once again). Everyone knows of at least one co-worker who speaks to superiors as though they’re his/her buddy. They obviously feel that doing so makes them stand out. It surely does: in the wrong way.

Doing so just comes off as being cocky and disrespectful. It places a manager in an uncomfortable position since it places the respect of all other subordinates in jeopardy. To treat your boss like a buddy is like scratching the lions balls. (They only enjoy it for a while)

8) The social bully.

You may think everything is easy, you may think it’s not your problem to worry about the socially inept or awkward. It may not be your problem at all, yet to socially bully someone who does not quite fit in is cowardly. It does not show your strength, it shows weakness of character. A socially strong person recognises those who struggle to fit in and accepts them as such. To step on someone’s fingers while they’re holding on for dear life is STUPID.

9) The materially competitive.

Ever notice that buying something new can sometimes result in a mass purchase craze by other people you know. This is often followed by invitations to eat dinner at their house. Ever heard kids boast about how much their toys cost. There is only one way they can have knowledge of this. (Goes without saying)

Is winning a materialistic war not a little phyrric? Was the money well spent? It’s a little like the exercise equipment (we all seem to have in our houses) we bought with every good intention that after two weeks becomes a white elephant. It’s a slightly unfulfilling, pointless pursuit. It’s highly annoying if you do participate and get no recognition! In the end, it’s maybe wiser to buy something you really want for you, not because you saw someone else has it.

10) Those who habitually moan yet make no effort to change their own circumstances.

We all know of at least one person who does this. If you find yourself rehashing the same moans day after day, and you have made no plans to change your circumstances, I am afraid you may be expressing a healthy dose of STUPID.

Pity the humble bumble bee who crashes into the wall over and over. In related stupidity, those who dwell on the past for months on end need to see the STUPID doctor. We are afforded limited time : treasure the good memories, learn from the bad. The wise recognise the present to be all-important and take time to appreciate its power. Are you someone that seems to want to relive former days or are so broken by events long gone? It would be wise to know that you are still breathing and experiencing. Make them good ones.

11) The compulsive liar.

I think we can all agree, it’s one of those priceless moments when you know someone is lying (for a fact) and you let them ramble on, stringing ever more threads to their made up story. Are you one of those who let them know you know, or do you leave them in their their falseness?

I tend to let them know, right at the end, after cracking with laughter internally. The face of a caught liar is priceless. I do however tend to become angry at the fact that they attempted to fool me, simultaneously insulting my intelligence. Life is full of stresses, complications and a string of todo’s and don’ts and please don’t forgets. I don’t need the extra weight of a lie to maintain. To complicate your life further is an obvious STUPID trait. If you are one who does this, just know that everyone knows you are a liar. The majority of people don’t want to let you know they’re on to you. They are not so concerned that they would risk unnecessary confrontation. To think that no one knows of your habitual lying is STUPID.

12) If you constantly feel the need to validate yourself by expressing your greatest traits or achievements.

The fact that you feel the need to validate is itself an indication of your ineptitude. The confident content person doesn’t need to focus on being confident or content. As a rule, when you feel the need to say ‘I,’ don’t.

Reflect (internally) on what you wanted to speak about and try to root out why you wanted to speak about it in the first place. Failure to follow this advice is STUPID. This would include those that are vain. To love yourself is the greatest love (says Whitney) but to be enamoured by your looks or persona is to miss out on all the wondrous goings on around you.

13)  The sychophant

If you didn’t know, a sycophant is a category of brown-noser. How often I have read comments made by sycophants on famous people’s Facebook pages or twitter accounts in the deluded hope of a reply. Justin Bieber might tweet, “I like apples.” And you might imagine the thousands of affirmations of love and common interest that would follow. (I once asked a couple of sycophants on a Facebook page if they knew what the term meant. The answer was ‘an elephant with flu’)

There are better things to do with ones time than engage in delusions of being star crossed lovers with some celebrity thousands of miles away. Stop being STUPID.

14) If you are someone who (as a rule) does not laugh, you are the next target.

Laughing is fun. Don’t you like fun? Are you afraid someone might think you silly. Chances are they think you’re a sour puss. To do that intentionally is a little STUPID to say the least. To be nasty, vindictive or malicious as a rule will surely earn you zero support and 100% avoidance. This is surely a compromised position for anyone. Even goths have fellow goths.

15) Those who think paying more for something automatically equates to more value.

Marketers and elitest product promoters prey on people like you. They hope that you will pay an exuberant fee for something that costs the same to produce as the budget item. Sucker!

16) If you have managed to be the reason for litigation for the purpose of a product disclaimer, I wouldn’t feel proud.

17) YOLO

YOLO is the most counter-intuitive trend possible. Shouting YOLO (you only live once) while doing some action which could end it all is STUPID.

16) Substance abusers.

If you have been netted by one of those super-rich addictive substance companies, it is not their fault. It’s yours. To blame them for your addiction would be like need to blaming a clothing store for providing the means to addiction for a kleptomaniac. It’s up to you to break the addiction.

18) Are you someone who overtakes vehicles on blind rises; who cuts over the centre barrier line when cornering; speeds down main streets; cuts in front of other drivers?  Would you consider yourself the greatest driver on the planet and constantly try to prove it?

Chances are no one else would agree with you.  Chances are they’re cursing you as you flip the finger while passing them.  this is because you are a reckless driver.

The STUPID part comes in the following form of logic: nothing bad has come about from your driving habits……yet.  Thinking that nothing bad will happen based on the premise that nothing bad has happened so far seems quite short-sighted.  This is because its an invalid argument.

The problem with this inept attempt at reasoning is that once you are proved wrong, you probably wont be alive to go, “Oh…”

It makes more sense to rather drive like a normal human being, and leave the inclination to prove you’re a Hamilton or Schumacher.  It simply is not worth it.

18)  If you are thinking of committing suicide, add your name to the STUPID list.

You might be thinking that committing suicide is the ultimate revenge.  You may even think that committing suicide is the only way to escape the people that are pressuring you in life.

Lets think about it a little deeper.  Suicide might seem like your choice, but what is actually happening is a submission of power to all those who are making you feel depressed or frustrated.

Lets say there is one particular person who is causing you all this grief.  When you think about it, is this individual deserving of your life?  Is such a person deserving of all that power?  Are you willing to submit all your memories, dreams, emotions and life experiences to someone that probably doesn’t even know of your anguish in the first place?  Do you think that person is really going to think they’re the reason for your suicide?

The reality is that even if you had to leave a detailed suicide note explaining why that person is the reason for you exiting life, they will probably just think you were some crazy hack.  Was that really worth it?

Here’s the other problem: chances are when you’ve committed suicide, you will be joining all those who have crossed over already.  If you weren’t a fan of people in living life, you now get to spend all of eternity with more people than you can imagine.  And you can’t commit suicide in the afterlife.

It might be a better option to change your attitude to life, accept that you are the one who has to live in your skin, and get on with laughing more, enjoying living and forget about revenge!

Please stay tuned for part 2….